A Quest to Feel Some Type of Way...

(Repeat post from my journey on Fit4Mom Greater NW Chicago)

Ladies, you know the feeling you get when you’re all dolled up, not a hair out of place, makeup is flawless and your outfit is on point? With so much feminine and secure energy exuding from you, there’s no doubt everyone in the room can feel it too. Sexy, right?  Yea, I can’t tell you the last time I felt like that.

I’m getting completely out of my comfort zone to talk about my health. A subject I largely avoid and hope no one else brings up. Or notices. But that’s going nowhere fast and after I became a Certified Integrative Health Coach and started taking clients, it was in my face more than ever and the voice in my head kept saying: “Daisy, you don’t fit the part.”

The truth is I’m not happy with the way I feel. All through my 20’s, I was one confident babe and nothing came before me and my girly ways. Please don’t take my comment as vain, I wasn’t conceded – I felt good and I always put my self-care first. Always.

So… what happened?

There wasn’t a single event that brought me here, but rather a combination of things and the passing of time without being aware of the unhealthy habit(s) I was creating. How does that happen? When do we as women, as mothers- slowly forget the very things that made us feel whole and complete?

For me, it started here. My (then) fiancé and I used to CrossFit together and we loved it. I felt amazing and looked great. Then shortly after we married I found out I was pregnant and shortly after that we lost our baby. To say I was devastated is an understatement. If you’re reading this and you too have suffered a miscarriage, then you know the frustration in not knowing “why?!” I blamed myself for a long time… It had to be me. The shame and guilt were just too much and I was quickly going into a depressive state. Thank God I have a good man and an amazing family.

Fast forward to our second pregnancy; I was terrified we would miscarry again and also completely elated to be a mom. Just to be sure I was in no way jeopardizing my child- I did no type of exercise during my pregnancy, minus a few low impact prenatal yoga sessions here and there. From going to CrossFit regularly to nothing at all is a pretty drastic change…nevertheless, I felt it was the right thing to do. Our beautiful baby boy was born in the fall and that was it. The ME I had known and loved for 30 years slowly started taking a backseat.

Mentally, I wonder if perhaps my mom constantly reminding me that I was a mom now and “it was no longer about me” and “I didn’t come first anymore” also had something to do with where I find myself now. I know she meant well, and I understand that in our culture a good mom is praised if she puts her children first, even if it means she doesn’t get a bite to eat for the sake of feeding her kids. Pretty intense, right?

Whatever the case, I’m now in my early 30’s with a 3-year-old and I’ve become increasingly anxious to do something about the way I feel. I’m ready to face the elephant in the room instead of tiptoeing around it in fear it might wake up. I don’t want to make this journey about a number on a scale because it’s not. I’m ready to put in the work. To practice what I preach to the Moms I coach about physical self-love. To be a good example for my son. But I need community and accountability. I tried going back to CrossFit about a year ago and I was so discouraged. It was clear it was no longer for me.

I found Fit4Mom by doing a Google search. It’s close to home and it appears to have what I need to get started; supportive women, a community of moms and connectedness. After meeting with Nicole & Kristen I felt understood and encouraged to take part in their Body Back program. For extra accountability, I volunteered to document my journey.

So if you’re still reading and find a piece of you here, this is for you, Queen.

For the Mom that can’t fit into pre-baby clothes anymore but continues to tell herself that she will one day. For the Mom that avoids taking pictures and tries to find the “right” angle when forced to. For the Mom that’s forgotten what makes her shine. For the Mom that doesn’t know where to start or how she got here. I hope my journey inspires you to connect with someone and start with small wins. And if you don’t have that someone, know you can start with me.

A quest to look feel like the old me has begun! Who’s with me?!

In health and so much love,

Daisy